Job Description
Let’s liven this ad up with facts about cats, shall we?
Apply promptly! A high volume of applicants is expected for the role as detailed below, do not wait to send your CV.
Humans have 5 million scent receptors. Cats have 200 million. Whoa!
However, scent receptors won’t help in this role so we say that’s Felines 0 Humans 1.
We're a fast-growing AI scaleup with an ever-expanding footprint in the UK. We live and breathe AI and have done so long before ChatGPT was a twinkle in Sam Altman’s eye. You should go back to feeding your cat if this world is not for you.
In the Godfather movie, Vito lovingly pets a grey striped tabby cat on his daughter’s wedding day. Said cat was actually a stray found in the car park and not part of the original script. This role is a bit like that - unscripted - namely you should thrive on ambiguity rather than fear it.
For us, working with tech is not just a job. It’s a craft. Yes a cliché but it’s true! We love the smell of tech in the morning. If we had you at “tech” please read on.
Here’s another fun fact about cats :-
Cats have the same number of brain cells in their cerebral cortex as brown bears. Yet a bear’s brain is 10 times larger than a cat’s. The smartest cats are Abyssinians, Siamese and Bengals. The dopiest are Persians. Don’t be a Persian.
This role is a unique multi-faceted blend of Cloud Consulting, Software Engineering and Customer Success. You’ll be our brand ambassador, the human face of our product. Did your heart just skip a beat?
A cat's heart beats up to 200 times per minute. That’s 3 times faster than the average human. Can you make our products so sexy that our customers’ hearts beat like a cat? (Hey check us out, writing ads that sound like Drake songs.)
We're looking for that lesser spotted cat: a silver-tongued Cloud Consultant / Engineer who can talk the talk AND walk the walk. Speaking of which… Dr David Grimm, Online News Editor of Science Magazine, claims that cat owners should be treating their pets more like dogs... #catwalking.
Super-confident, pushy, ruthless, chummy with shady business people? Congratulations, you're presidential material. But you’re not for us.
However if you’re…
Smart, professional, polished, articulate, ambitious, an excellent listener with high EQ, able to tailor a message to the audience…?
Then let’s talk.
You will need demonstrable expertise in Cloud infrastructure. Our platform of choice is AWS closely followed by Azure. If you have GCP skills to boot then you’ll be top of the class! On the development side you should enjoy getting your hands dirty with code: think C# Javascript SQL or similar.
You’ll work closely with our partners and end customers so excellent interpersonal skills are a must. And you’ll need to be agile enough to be comfortable straddling both the startup/scaleup and enterprise worlds. More chameleon than cat really.
We’ll reward you with a starting salary of up to £60,000 plus share options and benefits. And what’s more: the opportunity to get in on the ground floor of an ambitious, cutting-edge tech scaleup that's set to go places.
You'll be instrumental in helping us grow. Setting our customers up for success. Helping them leverage our product suite. Sharing your technical expertise. So although you might not be president, at least you won’t be going to hell.
All good? Please send a CV and covering letter that shows you’ve actually read this ad (and not just skipped to the salary bit) explaining why you should get this job even if you don’t like cats.
Talking of which, here’s some more fun facts to say thanks for reading all the way to the end...
Cats held great social and religious importance in ancient Egypt. The 7th chapter of the Egyptian Book of the Dead describes how the great sun god Ra takes the form of a cat to defeat Apep, the monstrous snake who is the god of chaos and evil. Meow!